*eyeroll*

Guy: When Moses went down from the mountain, he said, "Let my people row."
Me: *eyeroll*

Temporary Slowdown

So, school is winding down and Finals are next week. Hopefully we'll be back posting funny stuff Guy and I say to each other. In the meantime, watch this:



My reaction to Guy: Is this what white people do when Black folks aren't watching?

Guy: They do a lot worse.

Soy Sunday

Me: What's tamari?
Guy: Tamari is Sunday.

Inefficiency specialist

Me: Is there someone whose job is to go around and say your code is inefficient?

Guy: Dick?

Me: NO.

Guy: Senior dick?

Mini hiatus

Profanity on a break. We've been having a bit of hiatus due to school and work for me and the Guy. We expect to be back after the Thanksgiving holiday. Take care all.

Who's in Europe?

Me(after watching a Wallpaper music video): G, you need to get on the grind. You need a record deal.
Guy: Why?
Me: I want to go to Europe.
Guy: Who's in Europe?
Me: Germany.

Paleo stalkers

Me: I put on Twitter beer isn't Paleo but I'm drinking it anyway and now they're following me. I feel like they're watching.
Guy: Streets is watching.

I hate pandas

Me: Crane is his father.
Guy: It's his adopted father.
Me: I know that. Cranes can't make stupid pandas.

*I don't like pandas. No hate mail.

Flying feet

Me: Your feet. You want me to get you a bucket?

Guy: Why, because of my feet?

Me: You got Mozzie eating hay so he can grow big and strong and fly outta here.

Guy: To get away from my feet?

Facial Discrimination

We just got back from a weekend trip to Boston.

Me: You eat anything with a face.

Guy: Even without a face. I don't discriminate. I'm not a face-ist.

Going going, back back to . . .

Me: Alan Rickman has a bad American accent.

Guy: You have a bad American accent.

Me: I was born in America.

Guy: You should go back where you came from.

Me: Brooklyn?

Twilight Chinstrap

Me: Look at Robert Pattinson. He looks like a hobo. He looks like that guy . . .

Guy: George Clooney?

Me: No, Zach Galifianakis.

*In reference to our oh-so-dreamy vampire Edward's new beard. 

Bunny Mustaches

Guy: I think I'll get you mustaches for Christmas.

Me: If you do that, you'll never see the bunny again.

Guy: Why? Because he'll be wearing a mustache so I won't recognize him?

Garden dread

Me: Even that dread* has a garden. Why come we don't have a garden?

Guy: He's probably using it to hide his weed.

Me: I can't believe you said that.

*Dread like dread-locked person. My family is from the West Indies so we use this a lot.

Animal Sacrifice and Ignorance Redux

Guy: *pokes my ear* Teehee.

Me: Stop, you're the devil baby.*

Guy: I can do what I want . . .

Me: You done swung the chicken over your head so you can't do bad stuff anymore.

*Devil/demon baby is my go-to phrase for Guy's and Mozzie's antics.

Peaches & cream

Guy: when they ask an old guy what he contributed to the world he's going to say, "Peaches and cream, you know what I mean?"

Me: You have to stop drinking before you come to bed.

Guy: No. Me: We're gonna have an intervention, Mozzie and me. Mozzie'll cry and say, "I miss you, Appa."*

Guy: You are crazy, lady.

Me: And he's going to sell his blankie and Tigger to pay for rehab.

*Mozzie is our rabbit. We call ourselves Omma and Appa around him cos I'm learning Korean.

Trash and New Jersey

Me: She comes from the garbage state. New Jersey.

Guy: You're a pig.

Me: Where does NYC garbage go? New Jersey.

Guy: You're a chauvinist. You hate robots and you hate Jersey.

*I don't hate Jersey. I was born and raised in NYC. It's only natural I talk smack about ol' dirty Jerz.
 **I don't know what he was talking about with the chauvinist thing either.

Animal sacrifice and ignorance

Me: It's Yom Kippur, what is it your people sacrifice? A lamb?

Guy: What?

Me: For Rosh Hashanah you kill the chicken and swing it around your head.

Guy: *rolling his eyes* No, that's not true.

Hard Times

Guy: "Why are you giving me a hard time?"

Me: "I give you easy time."

*I know this isn't funny but Guy just got back from a long trip and he's a bit tired. The funny ain't happening yet.

Swansongs?

Me: What's a swan song? Does a swan sing when it's dying?

Guy: Yeah . . . Mwaharrgah!

Me: *belly laugh*

Guy: You didn't see that one coming.

*Guy's out of town for work so there will be less posts. 

Pools, projects and daycare

Me: "Why come* you didn't you move to the [name of competing condo development]? They have daycare."

Guy: "Are you trying to annoy me?"

Me: "They have a pool."

Guy: "You do know that it's converted projects."

Me: "So what happened to all the people who lived in the projects?"

Guy: *shrug* "I don't know . . . jail?"

*Yes, I use improper grammar when I'm at home. And I ask this question once a week. We are also very aware of our privilege.

Of Ponies and Heels

Me: "Is it bad that during class I think of ponies when I hear high heels in the hallway?"

Guy: -blank stare-

Intro Post

Here I will collect all the conversations I have and questions I ask randomly of my Guy. It's when we're working quietly in the living room that I start asking things. Because our minds are preoccupied with what we're doing our responses are pure and unfiltered. It's sometimes offensive, silly and snarky.

My About page will be up soon.