We just got back from a weekend trip to Boston.
Me: You eat anything with a face.
Guy: Even without a face. I don't discriminate. I'm not a face-ist.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Going going, back back to . . .
Me: Alan Rickman has a bad American accent.
Guy: You have a bad American accent.
Me: I was born in America.
Guy: You should go back where you came from.
Me: Brooklyn?
Guy: You have a bad American accent.
Me: I was born in America.
Guy: You should go back where you came from.
Me: Brooklyn?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Twilight Chinstrap
Me: Look at Robert Pattinson. He looks like a hobo. He looks like that guy . . .
Guy: George Clooney?
Me: No, Zach Galifianakis.
*In reference to our oh-so-dreamy vampire Edward's new beard.
Guy: George Clooney?
Me: No, Zach Galifianakis.
*In reference to our oh-so-dreamy vampire Edward's new beard.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Bunny Mustaches
Guy: I think I'll get you mustaches for Christmas.
Me: If you do that, you'll never see the bunny again.
Guy: Why? Because he'll be wearing a mustache so I won't recognize him?
Me: If you do that, you'll never see the bunny again.
Guy: Why? Because he'll be wearing a mustache so I won't recognize him?
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Garden dread
Me: Even that dread* has a garden. Why come we don't have a garden?
Guy: He's probably using it to hide his weed.
Me: I can't believe you said that.
*Dread like dread-locked person. My family is from the West Indies so we use this a lot.
Guy: He's probably using it to hide his weed.
Me: I can't believe you said that.
*Dread like dread-locked person. My family is from the West Indies so we use this a lot.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Animal Sacrifice and Ignorance Redux
Guy: *pokes my ear* Teehee.
Me: Stop, you're the devil baby.*
Guy: I can do what I want . . .
Me: You done swung the chicken over your head so you can't do bad stuff anymore.
*Devil/demon baby is my go-to phrase for Guy's and Mozzie's antics.
Me: Stop, you're the devil baby.*
Guy: I can do what I want . . .
Me: You done swung the chicken over your head so you can't do bad stuff anymore.
*Devil/demon baby is my go-to phrase for Guy's and Mozzie's antics.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Peaches & cream
Guy: when they ask an old guy what he contributed to the world he's going to say, "Peaches and cream, you know what I mean?"
Me: You have to stop drinking before you come to bed.
Guy: No. Me: We're gonna have an intervention, Mozzie and me. Mozzie'll cry and say, "I miss you, Appa."*
Guy: You are crazy, lady.
Me: And he's going to sell his blankie and Tigger to pay for rehab.
*Mozzie is our rabbit. We call ourselves Omma and Appa around him cos I'm learning Korean.
Me: You have to stop drinking before you come to bed.
Guy: No. Me: We're gonna have an intervention, Mozzie and me. Mozzie'll cry and say, "I miss you, Appa."*
Guy: You are crazy, lady.
Me: And he's going to sell his blankie and Tigger to pay for rehab.
*Mozzie is our rabbit. We call ourselves Omma and Appa around him cos I'm learning Korean.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Trash and New Jersey
Me: She comes from the garbage state. New Jersey.
Guy: You're a pig.
Me: Where does NYC garbage go? New Jersey.
Guy: You're a chauvinist. You hate robots and you hate Jersey.
*I don't hate Jersey. I was born and raised in NYC. It's only natural I talk smack about ol' dirty Jerz.
**I don't know what he was talking about with the chauvinist thing either.
Guy: You're a pig.
Me: Where does NYC garbage go? New Jersey.
Guy: You're a chauvinist. You hate robots and you hate Jersey.
*I don't hate Jersey. I was born and raised in NYC. It's only natural I talk smack about ol' dirty Jerz.
**I don't know what he was talking about with the chauvinist thing either.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Animal sacrifice and ignorance
Me: It's Yom Kippur, what is it your people sacrifice? A lamb?
Guy: What?
Me: For Rosh Hashanah you kill the chicken and swing it around your head.
Guy: *rolling his eyes* No, that's not true.
Guy: What?
Me: For Rosh Hashanah you kill the chicken and swing it around your head.
Guy: *rolling his eyes* No, that's not true.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Hard Times
Guy: "Why are you giving me a hard time?"
Me: "I give you easy time."
*I know this isn't funny but Guy just got back from a long trip and he's a bit tired. The funny ain't happening yet.
Me: "I give you easy time."
*I know this isn't funny but Guy just got back from a long trip and he's a bit tired. The funny ain't happening yet.
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