Say caviar

Me: If I won the lottery I'd be live on a boat and be a degenerate for three years. I'd be like, "Let's have caviar for dinner!"

Guy: You don't eat caviar.

Me: But I would say it!

You can't go back again

Guy: You ate an avocado?

Me: Yes.

Guy: You ate the whole avocado? Why didn't you save me some?

Me: How was I gonna save it? There's no turning back once you cut an avocado!

Stickin' Chicken

Me: CHICKEN!
Guy: ....
Me: Chicken wings should be on a stick. We could call it "Stickin' Wings".
Guy: Unbelievable.

Colonial Times

Me: Why the hell would I want to go to Williamsburg? So you can sell me?
Guy: I don't think the Hipsters are that bad, hon.

Allegory?

Me: *reading a YA novel* Oh, no! This is an allegory.
Guy: That's the one that stays in the water.

*FYI- He didn't misunderstand me, he meant a pun on alligator.

Sauerkraut and Miso Soup

Guy: I'm going to have a restaurant with just sauerkraut and miso soup.
Me: You're gonna have a lot of gassy people coming out of there.
Guy: I'm gonna call it Miso Sauer.

Some Pig

Me: Wait, so Asian people watch 'Portlandia'?
Guy: I watch 'Portlandia'.
Me: You're a special kind of Asian.
Guy: Am I like Wilbur the Pig? He's a special pig.
Me: That's some pig.

*A McDonald's chicken commercial has solely Asian folk enjoying chicken. Yeah.