Saturday, June 1, 2013

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Guy: That's one thing I'll never understand about you. How you can watch the same episodes of 'Martin' over and fucking over and over again.

Me: Practice.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

CPT Time

Guy: Dinosaurs drowned during the great Flood.
Me: What?
Guy: They were too late so they only had room for the elephants. You know why?
Me: No.
Guy: Beacuse they were on CPT time...Crustaceous Period Time.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Say caviar

Me: If I won the lottery I'd be live on a boat and be a degenerate for three years. I'd be like, "Let's have caviar for dinner!"

Guy: You don't eat caviar.

Me: But I would say it!

Friday, August 17, 2012

You can't go back again

Guy: You ate an avocado?

Me: Yes.

Guy: You ate the whole avocado? Why didn't you save me some?

Me: How was I gonna save it? There's no turning back once you cut an avocado!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Stickin' Chicken

Guy: ....
Me: Chicken wings should be on a stick. We could call it "Stickin' Wings".
Guy: Unbelievable.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Colonial Times

Me: Why the hell would I want to go to Williamsburg? So you can sell me?
Guy: I don't think the Hipsters are that bad, hon.