Monday, October 31, 2011

Facial Discrimination

We just got back from a weekend trip to Boston.

Me: You eat anything with a face.

Guy: Even without a face. I don't discriminate. I'm not a face-ist.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Going going, back back to . . .

Me: Alan Rickman has a bad American accent.

Guy: You have a bad American accent.

Me: I was born in America.

Guy: You should go back where you came from.

Me: Brooklyn?

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Twilight Chinstrap

Me: Look at Robert Pattinson. He looks like a hobo. He looks like that guy . . .

Guy: George Clooney?

Me: No, Zach Galifianakis.

*In reference to our oh-so-dreamy vampire Edward's new beard. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Bunny Mustaches

Guy: I think I'll get you mustaches for Christmas.

Me: If you do that, you'll never see the bunny again.

Guy: Why? Because he'll be wearing a mustache so I won't recognize him?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Garden dread

Me: Even that dread* has a garden. Why come we don't have a garden?

Guy: He's probably using it to hide his weed.

Me: I can't believe you said that.

*Dread like dread-locked person. My family is from the West Indies so we use this a lot.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Animal Sacrifice and Ignorance Redux

Guy: *pokes my ear* Teehee.

Me: Stop, you're the devil baby.*

Guy: I can do what I want . . .

Me: You done swung the chicken over your head so you can't do bad stuff anymore.

*Devil/demon baby is my go-to phrase for Guy's and Mozzie's antics.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Peaches & cream

Guy: when they ask an old guy what he contributed to the world he's going to say, "Peaches and cream, you know what I mean?"

Me: You have to stop drinking before you come to bed.

Guy: No. Me: We're gonna have an intervention, Mozzie and me. Mozzie'll cry and say, "I miss you, Appa."*

Guy: You are crazy, lady.

Me: And he's going to sell his blankie and Tigger to pay for rehab.

*Mozzie is our rabbit. We call ourselves Omma and Appa around him cos I'm learning Korean.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Trash and New Jersey

Me: She comes from the garbage state. New Jersey.

Guy: You're a pig.

Me: Where does NYC garbage go? New Jersey.

Guy: You're a chauvinist. You hate robots and you hate Jersey.

*I don't hate Jersey. I was born and raised in NYC. It's only natural I talk smack about ol' dirty Jerz.
 **I don't know what he was talking about with the chauvinist thing either.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Animal sacrifice and ignorance

Me: It's Yom Kippur, what is it your people sacrifice? A lamb?

Guy: What?

Me: For Rosh Hashanah you kill the chicken and swing it around your head.

Guy: *rolling his eyes* No, that's not true.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Hard Times

Guy: "Why are you giving me a hard time?"

Me: "I give you easy time."

*I know this isn't funny but Guy just got back from a long trip and he's a bit tired. The funny ain't happening yet.